Tag Archives: Coming-to-terms

Just Water

12:44 AM.

Late night or early morning? If I were to tell someone what part of the day it was technically, I would call it very early morning. For that is what it is, it is past midnight and is therefore the next morning. But it does not feel like a morning. Only in another four to five hours will it finally feel like morning. If it were ten PM, it would technically still be the day. The day of yesterday. But it would be night, the sun had set. It would feel as if the day was over and night had begun, but there would still be two more hours of the day left. Right now it is tomorrow. But I have not gone to sleep yet, so I feel like it is still part of yesterday. So here I am, transitioning into tomorrow while it is still today.


Image Source

There are no days. There is only a sky that goes from light to dark. But before it gets to dark it must get dimmer, and before it gets light it must get brighter. Sometimes the night is lighter than other nights, and sometimes the day is darker than other days. So what is day and night? There is no day and no night, there is only transition.

If change is constant then there is no reason to fear. We are all going to be different the next moment, and that moment will be realized in one of infinite ways. If anything is possible in the next moment, then why fear? A meteor could end my life right now…

Makes it all silly… Life in general. Continue reading Just Water

Au Contraire


Picture Source

Today was a day I didn’t want to do much thinking. Today was also a day that I did a lot of it. Even those two sentences. I was thinking about writing while I was taking a shower a little while ago, and I was thinking about my day. And while I thought about both of those things, I thought that those two first sentences would be a good opener for today’s entry. Actually, when I think about it, I did a lot of thinking about thinking today.

There might need to be another word other then ‘knowing’ to describe that which is only temporary understanding. Isn’t that all that ‘knowledge’ is anyways? We have agreed-upon collective ‘truths’ but they only stay so until a new discovery is made. Then, collectively, we shift our belief-systems to adapt to this new temporary knowledge. I guess that is how it is ideally supposed to work.

Anyways, I have done a lot of thinking today. But I have also tried to not think. Earlier I went into a pool, all the while trying not to think and to just be, to meditate I guess. Of course this was simply an invitation for thoughts to come flooding in. However, I stayed aware that the thoughts and the little voices narrating the thoughts weren’t necessarily my own. After all, how can we be sure they are OUR thoughts? We are constantly being bombarded by the stimulus around us and our own subconscious all the time. Even if they were OUR thoughts, would we really want to own them? I mean what is the point of owning a thought anyways? What good is it to take ownership over something we have so little control over. I say that because my mind seemed to, and seems to, contradict what I would call myself, a lot. Everyone has dark, violent, or rude thoughts. But most people are good people, and often ignore such thoughts or discard them as being fleeting emotional reactions to phenomena. That doesn’t make people bad people, it just means that thoughts aren’t necessarily who we are. Continue reading Au Contraire

A Step Back

A book came in the mail today. It was ‘A New Earth’ by Eckhart Tolle. It is a spiritual novel, taking a holistic look at three major religions together to talk about the looming evolution of human consciousness. Tolle seems to be suggesting, from the two and a half chapters I have read so far, that the evolution will come about by people becoming aware of their egos, or ‘waking up’, en masse. The book has been surprisingly engaging. I was skeptical of it at first. In this nation filled with capital-obsessed people fraud is rife and prevalent. The endorsement of Oprah’s Book Club only made me more hesitant. Was this book going to be some sort of feel-good, bourgeoise, spiritual guidebook written by a fake guru? It may be a feel-good, bourgeois, spiritual guidebook yet, I have only read a fourth of it. Would I be able to tell if it was? I don’t know. Regardless, it seems to have arrived right when I needed it. I was in danger of becoming pretentious and losing sight of my goal.

My goal is to learn, grow, be authentic, connected, and as human, as I can. Most people want that. At least it seems that way when you really break it down. But this primary goal is often forgot because to achieve it is to live a different way of life than society tells you to. It is not a different way of life in the sense that it is better or worse. I would just say that it feels authentic. We have collectively built a society that tries to divert us and distract us from this goal. But it is hard to be a conformed member of such a society when you can see past all the materialism. I just hope that Tolle, and the many others who are having conversations about a looming consciousness shift, are right. There is a fast-growing number of people that seem to want to live on this world in a completely different way. A growing number of people are realizing that we probably will have to live in a completely different way out of ecological necessity.

Anyways, I was losing sight of all this. I was getting caught up in the politics of the campaign season and current affairs important or not, getting into idealogical arguments, and getting wrapped up in my own ego. I forgot about the big picture. So this book came at a good time. It will rebalance me a little. Information can end up replacing wisdom, so it is good to just stop thinking every now and then and just be. Further down the road I hope I can manage to keep in balance, with the intellectual and spiritual parts of myself complimenting each other. Maybe ‘down the road’ will be tomorrow.

Seizing Our Authenticity Together

What an authentic existence is, or what an authentic human is, has remained a mystery for the majority of people for seemingly all of time. In Western culture, and here in America especially, people are being repeatedly sold the latest guides to self-improvement and personal development. Questions like who am I? and what is my purpose? are asked by most people. Yet, depression, isolation, and loneliness are prevalent emotions in our society. Why?

Maybe we haven’t been asking the right questions. Maybe, we have been looking at the issue from the wrong angle. All the questions, guides, books, and teachers have a similar thing in common: they claim to know the answer about how to make someone a more authentic person by fixing something that is wrong with them. But, as it turns out, a person’s happiness is directly correlated with the strength of their relationships. It is not about what I can do to be a better person. It is not about what MY purpose is. It is not a journey of SELF discovery. It is not something that is wrong with ME. Maybe, the key to authenticity has a lot less to do with us as individuals and a lot more with how we relate to other people. Maybe, the key to finding happiness and a place in this world is not about inserting ourselves into whatever we think we want at the time, or who we think we should be at the time, but to build positive relationships with people wherever we go and let our place in society manifest itself. There is a reason why the questions of who am I? and what is my purpose? are asked so frequently yet seemingly answered so rarely. The reason is maybe because these aren’t the right questions to be asking. Maybe the questions we should be asking are who are WE? and what WE as a species, nation, community, or family can do to better the lives of all of US? Purpose is such a stagnant concept. It is hard for me to imagine, people being as adaptable and flexible as they are, for someone to have any one purpose as an individual for their whole lives. Our purpose might take different forms in different parts of our lives, but we can always have the goals of being authentic and compassionate.

Forever Boys

What does it mean to be a man in the 21st century?

What does it mean to be a man?

What is our right of passage?

There isn’t a simple answer is there?


We grow up untested.

We grow up unrested.

We grow up uninvested.

We grow up playing video games and sports,

Because it’s as close as we can get to being like those heroes on TV or in history books.


Our dads gave us pocket knives,

But what do we use them for in these concrete jungles?

In these concrete jungles,

Where everything sharp gets dulled.


Don’t you dare climb a wall,

Unless your paying for it in a gym.

Don’t you dare go camping,

Unless you have a permit.

Don’t you dare build a fire,

Because you are dangerous and will burn the world around you.


Men today are nothing but zoo animals.

Eating formulated food that keeps us fat.

Taking pills that make us docile.

Playing with dumbed down toys.

Getting trained to be submissive.

Being tracked in case we cause trouble.


What is a man?

Is he a billionaire?

Is he an actor?

Is he a body builder?

Is he a career man?

Is he an intellectual?

What is our purpose?

How will us boys become men in a world where men grow old as boys?

8 Seconds of Lucidity

What is the point of being here? Why am I on this college campus? What are all these people walking around me doing? Thinking? Going through? Do any of them wonder, as I do, whether or not there’s a point? Do any of them wonder, as I do, whether we are wasting our time?

Most of us know we’re getting screwed by the system yet we continue as if we weren’t, going through the motions, paying our dues and our bills, being productive members of society, never crossing that line from obedience to disobedience, all the while still being bent over the table. It wears on you, knowing your getting railed and still putting up with it. We inherited this position. We were born into it. A bunch of assholes who feel entitled to power argue amongst themselves in the Capital, fighting for position over their peers, constantly groveling at the feet of whoever can help them the most at that time. Usually, that helpful person is rich. They wave that good-smelling doe in front of politicians’ noses and say “roll over and I’ll let you have a treat!” I mean, do they even know that we know? Do they even care that people are figuring this stuff out? It seems like many of the people I talk to my age are in agreement: most of the stuff we do is pointless, we are powerless individuals just getting screwed over and over in all sorts of ways, the best we’ve got are drugs and booze because at least they show us a good time first. Continue reading 8 Seconds of Lucidity

Finding Balance Amongst Absurdity

Life is a process. The objective of this process is balance. Sometimes it feels like trying to balance to balance a perfect sphere on top of another perfect sphere in a moving car. Basically it feels futile. Sometimes this process is fun, but many times the futility of it, the absurdity of it, is too obvious and sobering. This is part of the process though, which makes it even more frustrating. Being consciously aware  of the absurdity of the process, aware of how you react to it, and aware of how you should react to it all at the same time is mind-bending, and frankly exhausting. But the latter awareness, the awareness of how you should react to the process, is not really an awareness. It is an expectation. It is an expectation created by our minds and our societies.

I don’t like expectations. Expectations are distorted views of reality that attach people to certain imaginary outcomes. Maybe this is the key to why I find the process insufferable, the expectation of my reaction to the process. What is this expectation? How am I supposed to react to this process? Am I supposed to let pervasive suffering dominate my life? Am I supposed to be perpetually optimistic? Is my expectation even my own, or is it socially or culturally grounded? These questions only add to the suffering. My expectation is that the process will eventually lead somewhere, to some discovery of self, some revelation. But I also know that there is no end to this process. I do not know what happens when the organic body ceases to function, so I cannot say that this process ends in death. The awareness of our smallness, of our ignorance, of our perishability, is only balanced out by the awareness of our wholeness, our not needing to know but to be aware of, and our poetic mortality. But what balances out futility and absurdity? Continue reading Finding Balance Amongst Absurdity